I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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