How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
