You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Girls should come with a carfax report
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
