i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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