Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
