She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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