If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i believe in u and ur pee
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
