I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
