He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
