Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
