I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Randomize
