i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
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I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
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I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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