I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
