Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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