In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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