Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She's the barista slut.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
