Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
