No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
