Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize