My brain says no but my pants say off.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
