I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
