its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
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