This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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