oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize