i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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