How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
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I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
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He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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