i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
