Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
