like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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