the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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