thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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