you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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