im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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