Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
