On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
