Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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