I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers