This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.