all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.