I just saw a hot homeless man
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
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I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
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Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.