So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize