Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.