True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??