Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
