final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
