No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
