Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Every concussion has its silver lining
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
