Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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