i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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