Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
