I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
