I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
