Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
