i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
