It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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