we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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