so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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