Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
