Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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