And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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