she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
