I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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