Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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