I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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