yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
