The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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