You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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