You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
