Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
