i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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