so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
