i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
