true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
