Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
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