Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.