Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(734): View more from Michigan

i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened

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(734): i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened http://tfl.nu/eey2

Replies (4) Good night (1019) Bad night (698)
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(248): View more from Michigan

I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!

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(248): I cant believe we actually had a nipple party! http://tfl.nu/pec6

Replies (5) Good night (2160) Bad night (585)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

(1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

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(570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8

Replies (109) Good night (40887) Bad night (2426)
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(281): View more from Texas

He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid

(918): View more from Oklahoma

Did you send adult things?

(281): View more from Texas

Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year

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(281): He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid (918): Did you send adult things? (281): Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year http://tfl.nu/10tv

Replies (16) Good night (960) Bad night (3690)
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(613): View more from Ontario

I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games

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(613): I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games http://tfl.nu/74pd

Replies (18) Good night (4301) Bad night (1369)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg

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(781): she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg http://tfl.nu/c3oo

Replies (17) Good night (5932) Bad night (1462)
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(409): View more from Texas

We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.

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(409): We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team. http://tfl.nu/iz22

Replies (8) Good night (1954) Bad night (777)
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(281): View more from Texas

Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.

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(281): Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers. http://tfl.nu/dra4

Replies (7) Good night (3875) Bad night (862)
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(863): View more from Florida

I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.

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(863): I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious. http://tfl.nu/2u5k

Replies (5) Good night (2663) Bad night (798)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?

(1-701): View more from North Dakota

No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"

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(701): Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..? (1-701): No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup" http://tfl.nu/9q23

Replies (1) Good night (1799) Bad night (953)
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(301): View more from Maryland

That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?

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(301): That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit? http://tfl.nu/b6j9

Replies (1) Good night (940) Bad night (507)
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(530): View more from California

I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me

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(530): I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me http://tfl.nu/myp4

Replies (1) Good night (1112) Bad night (450)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?

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(780): Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office? http://tfl.nu/0lyw

Replies (6) Good night (433) Bad night (703)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate

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(617): I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate http://tfl.nu/7ugk

Replies (1) Good night (573) Bad night (849)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.

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(617): O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens. http://tfl.nu/5l8v

Replies (2) Good night (353) Bad night (166)

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