Texts From Last Night

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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.

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  (612): I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin. http://tfl.nu/g2gc
  Replies (127) Good night (5964) Bad night (714)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."

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  (403): During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch." http://tfl.nu/35ko
  Replies (29) Good night (1194) Bad night (4525)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."

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  (908): If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple." http://tfl.nu/0gie
  Replies (4) Good night (5345) Bad night (1124)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.

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  (206): Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order. http://tfl.nu/s8w4
  Replies (4) Good night (3290) Bad night (977)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore

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  (208): Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore http://tfl.nu/7jsm
  Replies (11) Good night (3794) Bad night (994)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water

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  (305): Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water http://tfl.nu/p9in
  Replies (6) Good night (2667) Bad night (998)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.

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  (587): Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch. http://tfl.nu/ad1t
  Replies (6) Good night (2333) Bad night (765)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like

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  (617): My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like http://tfl.nu/dpsj
  Replies (4) Good night (741) Bad night (1867)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now

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  (907): You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now http://tfl.nu/vnkw
  Replies (7) Good night (1238) Bad night (556)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.

  (637): View more from

  We made popcorn last night. So it's both

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  (908): It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one. (637): We made popcorn last night. So it's both http://tfl.nu/itvi
  Replies (2) Good night (534) Bad night (1179)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.

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  (503): Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in. http://tfl.nu/17i8
  Replies (1) Good night (1115) Bad night (532)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.

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  (901): I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off. http://tfl.nu/oaek
  Replies (6) Good night (1441) Bad night (558)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable

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  (617): I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable http://tfl.nu/uhd1
  Replies (8) Good night (1917) Bad night (703)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.

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  (575): We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray. http://tfl.nu/vf0w
  Replies (0) Good night (468) Bad night (277)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.

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  (586): Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind. http://tfl.nu/wymh
  Replies (3) Good night (339) Bad night (144)

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