just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
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I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
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i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender