I'm an idiot
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
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I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
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How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"