At least make sure they are 18
Why
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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