im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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