thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die