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I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
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