We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
