Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
